I almost died today

me (Milo) on the plane

I never regretted the penname Tomb until I almost ended up in one today. Fated to a watery grave. We'd been flying for over seven hours. We were somewhere off the coast of Wales, I think. Suddenly, all the lights went out and the plane tipped forward.

People started screaming. The lady next to me sicked up all over my khaki pants. I started to weep like a baby. Then, in the darkness, an electric blue glow. The man across the aisle blubbered apologies into his mobile phone.

Burbank was already on it. He had switched to the window seat halfway through the flight because I'm afraid of heights and didn't want to look out at the beautiful clouds. Anyway, Burbank climbed over me and the lady who'd gotten sick on me and launched himself into the aisle. He pounced on the man and snatched the phone away.

"Why d'you think they ask you to turn off your phones?" he shouted at the man. "They mess with the instruments!"

The man just sort of flopped his mouth open, greasy tears jammed in the wrinkly creases on his fat face. "Wha...?"

Burbank switched off the phone, and immediately the plane banked and then righted itself. The phone slipped from his grip and went skidding off down the aisle. The lights blinked a couple times and then snapped back on. Only then did the seatbelt sign come on.

I can't believe my best friend saved us from that stupid idiot and his mobile phone. I'm only 37, way too young to die, though maybe not if I lived in the middle ages. But they didn't have planes in the middle ages, now did they? Too young. Too much to live for. Burbank is my hero.